I can't remember the last time I got sick. I can't remember the last time I even threw up, unless you count the time I... I'm not even going to go into that time.

I'm mostly thankful I haven't gotten sick in so long, and the past three weeks have reminded me of just how awful I become when I get sick. And what terrible timing as well! I caught a bad cold that made me bed-ridden for four days just before my two year anniversary, didn't quite fully recover during the week afterwards and then tested positive for Covid the week after that on my partner's birthday - which really took me out even more, the school had to place me in isolation in a hotel and generally my life feels really upended right now. My final is in two days and I'm having to take it remotely in a hotel that has terrible WiFi. (And if I'm complaining about the WiFi, that's how you know it's bad. I'm generally pretty forgiving with WiFi speeds.)

I was on a pretty good track to at least pass my two classes, but with this happening at the end of the quarter really threw me off and I'm most likely going to fail both now. This really distressed me, as I put in a lot of work into both and really tried, and it's not like me to simply give up but I've become so... broken now. My friends don't understand and want me to keep going, but I'm genuinely questioning everything now and I feel scared that maybe I'm not actually able to continue with engineering, after sinking two years into my major.

But I have to remind myself that setbacks occur all the time, that just because my friend says I'm 'behind' or 'wrong' for not being able to continue, it doesn't make him right. This quarter in general has been really distressing for me and maybe this is just my body and the universe telling me to take a step back and recuperate for a little while before I can hit the ground running again. My friend isn't me, and he doesn't know my limits the way I do. Obviously I want to push past my comfort zone often, but this whole quarter was pushing myself out of my comfort zone and I made a lot of really great progress for what I expected coming into the quarter. And the next time I take my classes, I'll have a lot better of an understanding of the material and I'll definitely ace it then :)

Besides, why should I let failing one or two classes stop me from pursuing my dreams?

Much love,

whispyfog <3

p.s.: quarantine at least is going okay, my school placed me with a roommate and she's been great to be stuck with for five days (and possibly more? it depends on if i test negative on day five or not).