I lived with roommates for the first time this fall. Emphasis on the plural, because I was sharing a room with two other people.

When I first met them, I thought it would be a jolly good fun time. We got along well, had similar ideas about what we wanted our housing situation to look like and could talk for hours. Turns out, roommate life isn't all that simple.

For starters, I'd like to discuss that I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. In my case (since it's different for each person), it means that I'm not the most organized person, that I have a difficult time following along in conversations and get bored very easily, as well as have a pretty active life that means I'm out of the house a lot. Disorganization and chaos is a natural part of my life, and I genuinely can't simply 'be better.'

I also recognize that some things I do have the capacity to change or at least try to minimize. Although I generally wind up leaving the dishes unwashed for days and let it pile up, allow my laundry to stay on my bed for days (pushing it onto the floor when I sleep) and my hygiene routine is absolutely non-existent, I worked hard to try and minimize these since I understood that these were pet peeves of my roommates.

Still, I'm not perfect. I slip up on occasion. And this only became more painfully apparent the longer time went on. I simply wasn't 'one of them,' and couldn't understand their interests. I also became more internally critical, they seemed mean and petty and boring over all. And they would become more critical of the small things I mess up on, such as not cleaning things to their standards and forgetting to scrub the bottom of the sink (I genuinely believed someone else had created the mess, so I simply ignored it) to dumping my forgotten laundry over my desk (which was further away than my bed). They nickel and dimed everything, and I became afraid to even cook in my own kitchen, because I simply could not remember what ingredients were 'mine' and which ones weren't 'mine.'

Another thing about ADHD - we generally might experience this delightful thing called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD for short. I'm not sure how it appears in others, but when faced with the slightest bit of rejection or hurt from others, I feel it very deeply. With so many micro-rejections over and over again (being left out of house dinners, not allowed to drive up with them to school, etc.), I eventually couldn't stand it and started to have panic attacks whenever new rejections or criticisms would emerge. I admit that I definitely did 'run away' from my problems, but I genuinely felt like I had no other choice - I felt terror at the prospect of facing my roommates.

It simply wasn't a livable situation. I was completely alone, didn't have anyone to reach out to (in the house) and was staying over at other friends' houses because I didn't feel safe enough to sleep at my own place. My schoolwork was suffering immensely, and I was genuinely considering quitting school just to get out of the situation.

When push came to shove, I finally reached the decision to move out. It was a painful process, and after expressing some sympathy at my situation (I explained that I was dropping out, I didn't want to tell them they were the reason I was leaving, or that I'd secured alternate housing), they launched many accusatory things at me and that I had "f*cked up their housing process" and I left feeling like I was the reason they couldn't be a 'big happy group' and very solid on my decision to leave.

But really, it was on them. I expressed to them originally that I hadn't had roommates before, that it would be an adjustment period and a struggle for me and that I would need support from them in helping me get used to having roommates. Instead, they immediately broke my trust by moving in early (without telling me, or my roommate telling me), accusing me of stealing food (permission to eat it had been acquired by the roommate previously) and yelling at me for very simple things like asking to accompany them on a car ride up to campus. In my community here, it's generally expected for people with cars to offer rides to those without cars, and payment is never expected unless the trip is a longer one - so this was a shock for me, particularly since I knew this person was very wealthy (their parents were the guarantors for the apartment).

I will also add that I never told them about my ADHD diagnosis, since it occurred after I had already moved in and was experiencing issues with them. They mentioned previous roommates with ADHD, and how they "understood" their issue but still would complain endlessly about all of the things their previous roommate had done while in my presence. Naturally, I did not feel comfortable disclosing my diagnosis when they would regularly dismiss the genuine issues their previous roommate had (and while on some parts I understand their frustration, and understand that the roommate could have tried in some aspects), their was very little actual understanding in their discussions of her. I don't believe telling them about my ADHD would have helped the situation, and the one roommate I had told expressed very clearly at our meeting that she was not going to be on my side for anything.