new new friend
fretted and worried about my midterm results today - not necessarily the actual result, but just general anxiety over another interaction with the professor. but i picked up my midterm, someone else was already there asking questions! professor seemed a little confused as to what he was asking exactly.
turns out - just as lost as me! scary individual who always sat in the front, always armed with his notebook and pencils. "so many pencils", was the joke today.
i think there seems to be some general discontent that i've been picking up on a little down here. the coding professors seem to expect students to "just use AI" and get over "not knowing to code".
but... we like to learn. we go into these upper learning courses not to "get a grade" but to genuinely care and learn about the material.
i fret a lot over whether it was the "Right" decision to enroll here. to take this course. to "throw" another 1.5k at an education i continuously feel is "out of reach" for me.
but then i talk to other students... and they all seem to be rooting for me, in some small way. I excite people - that I'm dragging myself out of this trench of despair and unemployment, and I'm trying.
I'm trying, despite so many "reasons" not to. I just have more reasons to try. For a future that I want to see come alive. I want to teach myself that I do deserve these things too - I deserve to be curious. To be inquisitive.
I have the support fully of everyone around me - I just need to give myself that support, too.
I guess I'll throw another hour or two at this problem, too :)
Marina